There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize