she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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