I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
