You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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