Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
