Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize