I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
