No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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