return my video game
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
