I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
