forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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