You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
