he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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