You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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