Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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