No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize