He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
