Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
