Plan B is the new Plan A
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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