when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize