I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
