4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
