Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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