Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
