Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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