Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
