By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
