loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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