I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
