i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
