This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
