Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
