I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
