but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
