I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
