That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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