No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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