Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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