the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
