He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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