now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
