Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize