I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's never too late to be topless.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
