Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
