Your face is a jimmy john
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
