I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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