to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
