Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
