Your tits are I can't wait for
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
