I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
