Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
two words: eviction party
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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