i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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