we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
