Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
