pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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