youre lurking in front of me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
