maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize