My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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