need another drink. this is the easiest way
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize