The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
