Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
