You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
