dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
